NOT TOO GOOD AT THIS "BLOG THING....APPARENTLY!"

So, I've been away for quite some weeks now....reason being, I think, is that I haven't figured out how to get visitors, so it seems I'm writing for my own benefit and a few loved ones who have taken a peek. Figured I'd write again, and then figure out how to actually get the blogging part of this blog going.

For my sister and brother insomniacs.....have reached some sort of weekly ritual involving MEDS!!
Two that can work with each other, and a stronger and lesser dose of one of them. A "calmer down", so the sleeping pill can work....the lower dosage sleeping pill.....sometimes just two "calmer downs"...sometimes one lower dosage sleeping pill with no "calmer down"...did that last night....had a 4 hour block..but as you non-sleepers know...4 hours is great!....and that brought me to 4 A.M. Then a lot of clock watching....finally got out of bed near 7, had to get Justin to work by 7:30....

So, Merry Christmas! Yep, I've opted to omit the Happy Holiday greeting, because I celebrate Christmas....it's an important birthday, even if you are not Christian...I do not celebrate the birth of a holiday....the celebration relates to the birth of a person. Even if you don't get God personified in a particular human.....His consciousness is one we should all aspire to: BE NICE...THAT'S ALL HE'S ABOUT....BE NICE!!!....I don't follow Buddhism, but I like what Buddha espouses: BE NICE!......Isn't that the principle of any spiritual practice, organized or otherwise? BE NICE? So, please don't be offended when I say Merry Christmas, if you don't celebrate the occasion....BE NICE...... and say, "Same to you".

Well, here you have it, my return to blogging.....

WELL, I CAVED....

So, after about 3 weeks of really not sleeping, folks....I caved...two nights ago, at 1:45 am, I took the low end prescribed 15 mg of Restoril, from which I had received benefit 2 years ago. After several months, moved on to 30 mg, the highest prescribed amount. That worked for about a year, and that brought me to the beginning of SLEEPLESSNESS!!! It brought me to the sleep clininc, it brought me to every nighttime routine, every holistic, over-the-counter-natural freakin' remedy I could get my hands on. TO...NO...AVAIL! So, last night at 11:00, I took 15 mg, Restoril. by 1:45, still not sleeping. Took another 15 mg bringing me to the recommended highest dose. Did get sporadic sleep. Tonight......30 mg at bedtime!!! I know it will work. And it will work until it doesn't work....and we'll "jump off that bridge when we get there!" (Someone I've known for a long time and recenlty deceased was fond of that saying...I've never used it before....but, somehow, it fits, right here, right now!)

Here's what I'm drawn to share with you today. You know, I've had many a year of an uneasy relationship with Danny. Danny is the name of my father. He has "moved ahead". In Februrary, it will be seven years (phew, that went fast!!)..Anyway, in a heated argument, I sort of "disowned" him as a father, and began calling him Danny when I was 16, I told him I wanted a blood test to "prove I came from his loins". I clearly believed I could not possibly have sprung from him! Today, I would have asked for DNA testing! I found Danny to be "difficult", inasmuch as he really didn't make life easy. Everything you asked of him seemed to be a problem for him. He was verrrrrry set in his ways and was not generous with money (big understatment here), nor was he generous with his time. I inherited his addiction to television.....I realize now it was his "anti-depressant", as it is probably mine. For sure an escape from the daily grind. Come to think of it....guess why it is probably the "drug of choice" for most of America! Television!....So, come to find out that not only do Danny and I share a "passion for TV....but, many attributes I distained about him seem not to be "Danny Things", but rather "Old People Things"! I tell you this because it is becomining more and more apparent as I get old, the things that perpetually annoyed Danny, and which I thought made him "intorlerant", are now beginning to bother me! He simply had "too much on his plate". Just getting through a normal day was a huge challenge and addition one more request of him was...well...simply not an option!

Lack of patience was a huge "flaw" I found in Danny. And that translated into selfeshness, which I now realize was a survival mechanism he created. I see that, like most of his generation (born in 1918), life WAS HARD!...Familial illness, lots of death, depression (The Great One, and the one in his mind). He lost my mother when she was just 35 (leaving me at 3 months old, a 10 year old son, and another daughter, 11). Danny's father died when Danny was 13, under "mysterious circumstances"....so, as he approached the end of his life, I began to see him as the "flawed" human being that he was, and finally learned that his "failings", like all of our "failings" were the by-products of a life he was not well-equipped to handle. Although, later in his life, his beloved TV did offer solutions to life's problems, first through Phil Donahue and then, most magnificently, through Oprah....when these shows aired, Danny simply chose to watch reruns of Matlock!

So, the point of all this is that, I as am becoming impatient, intolerent, even, I am really struggling not to be judgemental, to be compassionate, kinder, less self-absosrbed.....in essence, I am battling what some might call the inevitable....becoming Danny....and if I should....I hope my kids will be kinder to me than I was to him...

I'M BA-A-A-CK...

So, I missed a couple of days sharing some of my thoughts. Two days in a row of pretty much sleepless nights! I can safely say that the natural pill containing valerian root extract, melatonin and tryptophan DID NOT WORK!! What to do? What to do? Not only do I not want to continue with the prescription med, because I just don't want any more meds in me than necessary, and this particular one is known to put weight on (must slow metabalism), and I put on a couple of pounds I'm fighting to get off. I think already after two days, I feel the difference. Also, the longer you're on a sleep aid, the less it works .. may have to just use something else a couple of nights a week to get some recuperative sleep. Had an old "standby" med around for years, Restoril, it helped but then needed increased dosage. Hoping if I use it minimally, I won't get resistant to it!

Spent most of the day online yesterday, enrolling in my husbands health plan from work. What a job! However, thankful for a good set up, and our portion of the premiums for health, dental, and vision is doable. Not feeling too clever today....really tired...thinking of skipping the pool, and you know how much I love swimming....

A RAINY DAY....

So, this is a rainy Saturday in South Florida. Oh, we, South Floridians, distinguish South Florida from the rest of the state because the weather is sub-tropical and really different from most of other parts of Florida. Go up to, say, Jacksonville, and you'll be hard-pressed to find a palm tree. Oh, how I love the palms, all varieties! We have 14 different types on our property. Here's just a couple of views. Anyway, even a gray, gloomy day is beautiful! I think...

But, no matter where one lives in these here wonderful United States of America, or worldwide, for that matter, a rainy Saturday or Sunday, seems to lend itself to a perfect excuse for kicking back and doing pretty much nothing of importance. Watch old movies, or rent a recent one. Eat left-overs, or order in. Stay in whatever clothes you slept in. Get lost on the computer. Read. Write. Catch up on long-overdue phone calls, and always a favorite (if you freakin' can)~nap! Speaking of, not a good night for me, last night! Anxious for that triple, natural ingredients sleep aid I've ordered...

Anyway, there are tons of unnecessary stuff you can give yourself permission to do - guiltless pleasures~on a rainy day. Whenever I squeeze in something I love to do just for me on a day without rain, I always make sure the bed is made, the kitchen sink empty and clean, wrote that check out, made that follow-up phone call to the insurance company, and, well...you get the idea..... then, and only then, do I give myself permission to get to the pool. Or else, I absolutely make sure I do my "chores" when swimming is over. But, on a rainy week end day...all bets are off! So, the next time it rains on your weekend, spoiling any outdoor plans you have...remember ~ you get to NOT to do whatever you DON"T want to do! So, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get busy NOT doing what I DON'T want to do!!

FRIDAY...AGAIN!?!?!

So, it's freakin' Friday, already, folks! Is it me, or is time just, like, zoomin' by? Pffffff! It's Friday! Pffffff! It's Friday! Pffffff....... Oy gevalt, as my Jewish friends have taught me to say on such an occasion. Or, Oy vey!!! Both work! So, Oy gevalt! Woke up, took my pills and the week is empty again. My pill case, hmm. Well, my pill case is, well, HUGE! It holds, multi-vitamin, pressure (prescribed med) pill, and the other prescription is, of course, lets say it all together, you all... "a sleeping pill!!". Which, oh, by the way, I didn't take upon bedtime last night. But, I only waited 45 minutes to see if I would sleep with just the valerian root....I DID NOT! Ughh!! Oh, and so, the vitamin, the two prescribed meds, then Calcium citrate with D (old lady bone meds, been taking for several years now), B complex, (3 very large) Omgea 3 fish oil gels (gotta take your Omega fish oils...I forget why, oh, yeah....memory!!), oh, and very beneficial for morning stiffness, and joint mobility, I find, (3 very large) glucosamine and chondroitin, reduced dose aspirin (never know when a stroke is lurking about!). I take half in the morning and half bedtime. I read that the body processes it all better when not taken all at once.

You paying attentiion here? You can benefit from this plethera of suplements I've gotten somehow sucked into taking. Plan on introducing red rice yeast next week, upon next doctor's visit (which visit is really re: yep, you got it...sleep issues!!). Red rice yeast is what Mike takes for its cholesterol lowering benefit. He reacted to the statin he was taking with sore joints, and so has benefited from this natural supplement. I suffered no joint issues, but have opted to get off the statin (Zocor), too, only because I read all of the oh-so-scary side effects (one of which is SLEEPLESSNESS!!!)

Oh, so, back to my suffering from terminal-time-is-flying-by-to-damn-quickly syndrome! When you're a kid...the weekend never comes...school-homework-school-homework...and on...."When will 3:00 pm Friday ever get here?!?!" Now days, gevalt! (here I go again....) Not only do I have to put together my stockpile of additives to my body, I have to do Mike's (not nearly as many as mine), and Justin's. Jus' meds are two pills that help his mood and so, allows him to live with us. No kidding. Mood can be difficult/impossible to manage without 'em. Also, a third pill: multi-vitamin is all. It is a real lesson in keeping one's mind "in the present moment" when doling out our weekly doses. Don't think I haven't mixed up who gets what once in a while....keeps 'em on their toes!

So, it's 10:00 Friday morning, and since I need to fill our cases with various shapes and colored tabs, gels and capsules tomorrow morning, I'd better gather them now! Happy weekend! But, hey, wasn't it just, like, three minutes ago when it was Saturday and it was our turn to have all the neighbors together for wii bowling and a food fest? No, not three minutes ago? Oh, guess it just feels that way!

PRINCIPESSA...

SO, HADDA TAKE MY CAT, PRINCIPESSA, FOR HER ANNUAL CHECK UP. THAT'S PRINCIPESSA, PRONOUCED "PRINCH`-A-PAY-SA", ITALIAN FOR PRINCESS. ACTUALLY, GOT HER BECAUSE IN THE MOVIE "LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL", THE HERO CALLS HIS WIFE-TO-BE "PRINCIPESSA" EACH TIME HE RUNS INTO HER UNTIL HE FINDS OUT HER NAME. MANY TIMES HE SAYS "BUON GIORNO, PRINCIPESSA!" AND I JUST LOVE THE SOUND OF IT: "BUON GIORNO, PRINCIPESSA!".....SO, I WENT TO OUR VET IN UPSTATE NEW YORK, NINE YEARS AGO. HE HAD STRAYS HE HAD TAKEN IN, FIXED THEM AND GAVE THEM SHOTS AND OFFERED THEM FOR FREE TO ANYONE WHO WOULD GIVE THEM A LOVING HOME. "AHA", I THOUGHT. "IF I TAKE A FEMALE, I CAN NAME HER 'PRINCIPESSA', AND SAY 'BUON GIORNO, PRINCIPESSA' ALL I WANT, UNTIL EVENING, THAT IS, THEN I'LL HAVE TO SAY 'BUONA SERA, PRINCIPESSA', BUT, I STILL GET TO SAY 'PRINCIPESSA'....AND WHEN EVENING PASSES, AND WE REACH NIGHT TIME, I GET TO SAY 'BUONA NOTE (THAT'S "NO`TAY"), PRINCIPESSA'...HELL, I'LL GET TO SAY 'PRINCIPESSA ALL I FREAKIN' WANT!"

SO, THAT'S WHAT I DID...NINE YEARS AGO, AROUND THIS TIME, AND I'VE ROLLED THAT DELECTABLE ITALIAN WORD OFF MY TONGUE COUNTLESS TIMES! SO, A SHOT, SOME SQUEEZING AROUND HER BODY, A STETHASCOPE TO HER CHEST, DENTAL CHECK UP, AND A TOOL SHOVED UP HER LITTLE (SHE'S ONLY 7 POUNDS) POOP SHOOT TO CHECK HER STOOL AND A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF HEART WORM PREVENTATIVE, TOGETHER WITH FLORIDA TAGS (MANDATORY, IN FLORIDA, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S AN "INDOOR CAT"), BRINGS US TO A GRAND TOTAL OF $197! BUT, IT'S WORTH IT...AFTER ALL, I CAN CONTINUE TO SAY "BUON GIORNO, BUONA SERA AND BUONA NOTE`, PRINCIPESSA!" ALL DAY LONG....GO ON ~ SAY IT. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO : "BUON GIORNO....THAT'S "BWON JOR-NO" (COME ON, NOW, ROLL THE "R")..."BWON JOR-NO, PRINCH-A-PAY-SA"......YA LIKE IT, DON'T YA? COME ON. SAY IT AGAIN. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!

BUON GIORNO, AMICI (SAY-"AH-MEE`-CHEE)...GOOD DAY FRIENDS!

OH, SLEEP CHECK: LAST NIGHT WAS TERRIBLE. I ELIMINATED THE PRESCRIPTION MED, COUNTING ON THE VALARIEN ROOT TO PUT ME TO SLEEP. IT DID NOT! BY 2:45 AM, I WAS FORCED TO TAKE THE DAMN PILL, AND IN A HALF HOUR WAS ABLE TO DOZE. AWAITING THE ARRIVAL IN THE MAIL OF THE HOLISTIC COMBINATION I ORDERED....ALL I WANT IS A "BUONA NOTE`, DAMMIT!"...

COULD'VE BEEN WORSE!

SO, GANG, A PRETTY GOOD NIGHT'S REST. ADDING THE NATURAL VALARIEN ROOT TO MY HALVED SLEEPING PILL DOSAGE HAS BEEN PRETTY GOOD LAST FIVE DAYS. HOPING TO ELIMNATE THE PRESCRIPTION MED ALTOGETHER. ANYWAY, WOKE UP RESTED AND IMMEDIATELY ATTACKED BILLS AND PAPERWORK. THE VERY FIRST ITEM OF THE DAY, PAY A BILL. OH, SHIT...THE CHECK I'M UP TO IN THE CHECK BOOK REGISTER DOESN'T MATCH THE CHECK IN THE BOOK! HAPPINESS IS WHEN THEY MATCH! I NEGLECTED TO PUT THE LAST CHECK IN THE REGISTER. PANIC...DID MY HUSBAND, MIKE, TAKE A CHECK. HE WAS LOOKING FOR THE CHECKBOOK YESTERDAY. SHIT! IF I ASK HIM IF HE TOOK IT AND HE DIDN'T, THEN HE'LL KNOW THAT, YET AGAIN, I DIDN'T WRITE THE CHECK IN THE REGISTER. DON'T WANT THAT!!! I SORT OF RECOGNIZED THE AMOUNT. (BIG PLUS, USUALLY I HAVE NOT FREAKIN' IDEA ABOUT THE AMOUNT OR WHO IT COULD BE FOR....) I CALLED MY BANK AND FOUND OUT IT WAS CASHED, YAY! BUT THEY DON'T TELL YOU THE PAYEE. SO, I LOOKED IN MY FILES OF THE NYC WATER BOARD, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR, CALLED THEM AND HOLY FREAKIN' SHIT! IT WAS THEM! FIRST TRY...TWO PHONE CALLS. DONE. USUALLY, I GET INTO A SWEATY MELT-DOWN. SEE, NOW THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT CALL FOR YOU TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT. THAT ALLOWS YOU TO BE CALM AND REMIND YOURSELF THAT "THIS WILL PASS"..IN OTHER WORDS, YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT, IT'S NOT A LIFE THREATENING SITUATION! EVERY TIME AN ANNOYANCE LIKE THIS HAPPENS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO "NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF...AND IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF"...I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I BELIEVE THE "....AND IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF" PART.....'CAUSE LIFE DOES THROW SOME HEAVY SHIT AT US. BUT EVEN THE BIG STUFF CALLS FOR FIGURING IT OUT, AND IT WILL GET SORT OUT - ALL OF IT. I HAVE A COUSIN WHO IS IN REMISSION OF COLON CANCER. HER ATTITUDE WAS ENLIGHTENED, REALLY ENLIGHTENED. WHEN I TOLD HER HOW MUCH I ADMIRED HER STRENGTH. SHE TOLD ME, "WELL, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, I WON'T HAVE CANCER ANYMORE."....CAN YOU IMAGINE ACCEPTING THE OUTCOME THAT WAY? DON'T GET ME WRONG, SHE IS A FIGHTER AND FOR SURE BATTLED HER "BUMPS IN THE ROAD". WHEN THE CHEMO WAS UNBEARABLE AND SHE HAD TO STOP, PUTTING HER REGIME BACK FOR WEEKS, THAT'S WHAT SHE CALLED IT..."A BUMP IN THE ROAD."

I SEE THAT THROUGH ALL MY "SELF-AWARENESS" READINGS, IT IS ALL PRETTY MUCH THE SAME.....SAME MESSAGE, DIFFERENT MESSENGERS AND THAT MESSAGE IS ACCEPTANCE. IT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS TO US, IT'S HOW WE HANDLE IT. IF YOU CAN CHANGE IT, CHANGE IT, IF YOU DON'T CHANGE SOMETHING THAT CAN BE CHANGED, THEN YOU DON'T WANT IT CHANGED! AND THAT MEANS YOU'VE ACCEPTED IT, SO DON'T FREAKIN' COMPLAIN (THIS IS ALL STUFF I TELL MYSELF, SO DON'T THINK I'M PREACHING TO YOU~) AND IF YOU REALLY CANNOT CHANGE IT, THEN ON DIFFERENT LEVELS, YOU WILL ACCEPT IT, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO? BUT, SOME OF US NEED HELP IN ACCEPTING SOMETHING WE DON'T WANT AND CAN'T CHANGE. SO, WE GET HELP FROM OVER EATING, OVER SPENDING, ABUSING BOOZE, DRUGS (PRESCRIPTION OR NOT). YEP, EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY ASKS US TO ACCEPT. ACCEPT THAT YOU'RE LATE AND IN A TRAFFIC JAM. ACCEPT THAT YOU'RE LATE AND YET AGAIN, CANNOT FIND YOUR KEYS. ACCEPT THAT MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE YOURSELF MORE TIME AND, SO, RUNNING LATE WON'T BE A PROBLEM. EASY FOR ME TO SAY! THINK I FOLLOW THAT PRINCIPLE? BETTER RUN NOW, OR I WON'T HAVE TIME TO SWIM...

GRATIDUDE!

So, I woke up in gratitude this morning, folks! First, because although I woke up several times during the night, I did fall asleep right away, and was able to go right back to sleep the five or so times I woke up. Also, my son, Justin didn't have to be at work until 10 am! Grateful not too early, and for sure, grateful that I have the realistic expectation that, with his mental challenges at 25, he will perform his job description to the satisfaction of his employer! That, my friends, is a goal reached: for Justin to maintain a job "in the community". No job coach needed! It is the single most important thing that makes the special needs population feel "like everyone else."

Then, even though I'm still suffering mildly from my sports injury from wii bowling, I got myself to my development's pool (in my gated community in south Florida), In the lap lane, I swam 30 laps (which = 60 X back and forth- 40 minutes) and then used the hot tub. Am I blessed or what???

I find living in the moment easiest while I'm swimming laps. I have to be present, because of breath control, strokes, kicking, timing. Counting the laps. Can't let stray thoughts interfere. Try though they may, I flick 'em away. When I try to mediate...not so easy, flicking 'em away.

I wear a cap, goggles and short swim fins for leg toning. I just love it. It was gray and cloudy and in the high 70s, much cooler than I've been used to over the summer. I am so very happy not to have to get my exercise in the health club (outside of which is this pool)...it's great to have it when the weather is rainy, but I really, really hate that eliptical freakin' machine! It must be raining for me not to swim! I may even give myself the occasional day off, if I can't swim.

So, I take this 56 year old body to the pool and put it to work. Here's the thing, when I say 56 year old body, I cannot believe it is I about whom I am talking. How did it happen to me, I wanna know? It's this dirty litte secret I've had over the years. I look at photos of my contemporaries and think: "Good thing I didn't get old!" It's not gonna happen to me! I was able to get 'til four months ago, before having to color the gray in my hair. Pretty freakin' good, no? Ergo, the swim cap...can't let the chlorine damage the color! I use a basic skin cream for my face, and aloe gel on my body.

My sister, Diana, is 11 years my senior (sorry, D.), and she has been taking care of her aging skin for ages. On a trip to Minnesota to visit, while in the bathroom I saw a plethera of jars, bottles and tubes. Stuff for wrinkles and sagging, stuff for sagging and wrinkles, stuff for lines and sagging, stuff for sagging and lines, stuff for...well, you get the idea. Then, I saw some sort of wand, about 8 inches long, with a wire attached. I brought it to her with a gleam in my eye and asked: "What's this?"...She said, "Put it down down, it will shock you."..."Shock me? Nothing will shock me!"....She said, "It's not what you think. It will shock you. You don't put it where you think. It is used to stimulate the muscles in your face. Helps with the sagging business, and if you put it where you think, it...willl...hurt!" "I am informed.", I replied. She has this aparatus you place your lips around. It houses a springy thingy and you shape your mouth into an "O", then a sort of grimace, then and "O" then a grimace...actually exercising the area around your mouth, you know, like the laugh lines (ventrioquist's dummy lines). I laughed, but, I gotta tell ya. My lines are deeper than her lines. Gotta get me a springy thingy!

She also has a routine, whereby she spreads the two vertical lines between her eyebrows, and puts tape over them. Supposed to soften 'em. It was my job to remind her, whenever we left the house, to remove the tape. As it happened, a couple of hours into our Mall of America trip, she scratched her forehead and felt the tape. "You little shit! One thing I ask you, and you can't even do that!", I giggled.........she punched my arm...hard!

SOME CONFUSION ALREADY...

Okay, so already a little confusion with this blog stuff. Posting is easy for me, of course, because it is my blog and set up for me, but for you guys, ya gotta set up an a/c on my blog. Not too bad. Have to click on "Comments", screen opens with Comment Box, write, and then type in weird code word, e mail address and a password, then evey time after that, just e mail and password and you can visit easily.

So, woke up this morning after having this blog on my mind all night. Hoping that posting would not be complicated and so become a "turnoff". We'll see.

Anyway, woke up this morning with a sports injury...neck, shoulder and back from...get this...playing wii bowlling. You know wii...that awesome video game?~ Can you believe it, a sports injury from a video game!!! I hear players suffer tennis elbow, even. Ha! I don't need any other problem added to my inability to sleep! I am a bonafide insomniac, and have the papers to prove it! Went to a sleep clinic a few weeks ago, hoping that I had sleep apnea. You know when you stop breathing and wake up all night long. It is alleviated with an aparatus that forces air into your nose. I like that idea. Simple. Done. Sleep! But, no-o-o, I wake up alright, but just from the "voice in my head" that won't shut the hell up! On and off sleeping pills over 10 years now, beginning with restless legs problem. Didn't even have a name for it back then, nor treatment, just sleeping pills to help you "sleep through it". And so, I became Elivis Presley: pills to sleep, tired in the morning from the pills to sleep, and so a pill to wake up. Did that for a couple of years and realized (actually my husband "helped" me realize by telling me: "ENOUGH WITH THE PILLS!!!") I stopped immediately with no doctor's knowledge and, swear to God, should have been in rehab! For three weeks, I couldn't sleep, empty cavernous feeling, yet unable to eat...only carbs - bagels, cereal, etc. That was two years ago right around this time. It's when the Yankess lost post season miserably to the Tigers, 3 games to 1...uggh! As if I wasn't nauseous enough! So, now I'm weaning myself off of a sleeping pill I just had to start taking again, because ya just can go around sleep deprived! So, now, weaning taking 1/2 does of the sleep aid, and added natural valerian root, which seems to be helping. I fall asleep, still wake up several times, but can go back to sleep more easily. Hope to add melatonin and tryptophan (sleep inducing incredient in turkey). Ordered pill with valerian root, tryptophan and melatonin. I am hopeful. Also, just got a featherbed. Freaking awesome! Four inch topper for mattress. Very helpful. In addition, desperately trying to meditate. You know, quiet the mind, free it from thoughts. Ever do it? IMPOSSIBLE! For me, anyway. Using a mantra...word or words repeated in your head. If the mind has to wander, at least you TELL the mind what it's gonna think. But, even then, stray thoughts enter. My sister, Diana is a yoga teacher and has been for 30+ years...been meditating forever, and so is amused that I am frustrated after a month of attempts!

You know, I realized this morning when I looked in the mirror and this old bag looked back, that all of this is the onset of the "golden years"....imagine, the golden years...why are they called that? You're facing the back nine holes on the golf course of life, and those years are anything but freakin' golden! I swear, I looked at my hands this morning and thought: "who's hands are they, and how did they get at the ends of my arms?!?!"

In the beginning...(of MY BLOG)

So, a friend of mine, Bruce, e mailed me a link to a blog and suggested I check it out because he thought that it was something I could do and "do well". I really didn't know what a blog was when I visited it, and realized it was just some woman discussing her daily life, in a clever and witty manner. Well, I thought, I could do that. After all, I am a published poet, who runs a website that offers a service to clients who want poems/toasts composed for a special occasion. It is something that I love doing, since I play a role in the celebration of people's lives. I can be clever! I can be witty! I am clever! I am witty! It's easy to get jaded when looking at the world view, and particularly, the unusual difficulties we are facing in our country. So, when a loving husband is searching for a unique way to express his feelings towards his wife of 30 years, my faith in humanity is renewed. Then, upon hearing the endearing qualities of a loved one, again I am reminded that people are, for the most part, wonderful creatures, despite what the evening news tells us!

With this in mind, I spoke with my web design guy, Sylvester, about the possibility of hooking a Blog up to specialoccasionpoetry.com. He said he didn't know much about Blogs. But, then the next morning, Sly called to tell me to go to my website. When I logged on, I saw that he had included "MY BLOG" in the navigation area of my homepage. Sure enough! I had a BLOG! You should know it took me a couple of hours this morning to get to the point where I could actually create my first blog. Well, look at me...I'm freakin' blogging...or am I....guess I have to look at the preview. Excuse me while I explore this blog and attempt to learn the intricacies of links, and actually go out and discover what other bloggers are all about. Will this become a wonderful endeavor or will it turn out to be something I file under "Be careful what you wish for." (?) Stay tuned...